I met Jason at the local nightclub. In those days, we only had about 2-3 in the city so it was easy to bump into just about everyone. I also recall meeting the international Pakistani Cricket team here but thats a story for another time. Jason was good looking, tall and charming. Thinking back, I should have guessed how things would have turned out but I was too young and inexperienced to know any better.
We saw each other quite regularly and it was invigorating being with such a fun-loving, gorgeous man. We had heaps in common from rap music, movies and even down to our beverage of choice - gin and juice. Everything was working out well and I was so sure he was "the one", but it all came crashing down on the night of my 18th birthday.
I themed my birthday party as 'formal dress', of course as an excuse to dress up in my most exquisite black dress. Jason turned up with his usual crowd of friends and an additional person who he introduced as his brother, Leto. The night went pretty smoothly until Leto asked to speak to me privately. I was totally unprepared for what he was about to tell me. Apparently, Jason was engaged to his highschool sweetheart in their local hometown and they were due to be married in under a year. Suffice to say, I did not handle this in the most lady-like manner, especially after having downed about 8 gin and juices. I confronted Jason immediately (thankfully also in private), and he confessed everything, including the fact that he was still going ahead with the wedding, despite having feelings for me. My world was shattered and I felt worthless and used. I should have known that noone that 'perfect' could ever be interested in simple, plain ol' me.
For months after leaving Jason, I was depressed. Going through the break up was exhausting as everything reminded me of him. Being the immature, young girl I was, I swore never to date again, citing the usual "all men are lying, deceitful pigs". It was a promise I was unable to keep however, because a year later, I met Daniel.
Just before meeting Danny, my sister and I had just moved overseas on our own, without the parents - freedom at its ultimate best. We were treated to a multitude of delicious looking men but sadly, most of them were attracted only to my sister, who admittedly was (and still is) much better looking than I. Many started befriending me only as a means to meet her. It was hurtful and only reinforced my previous conclusion that all men were pigs. I even began to resent my sister who never realised what I was going through. She was just having a good time and didn't notice what was happening around us. I became even more depressed and decided that perhaps I really was 'all brains and no looks'. It was around this time, that I met Daniel, who was in just about all my classes.
The first time he flirted with me, I looked over my shoulder to check if my sister was around, expecting it to be misdirected infatuation of some sort. It took months before I trusted and believed that he just wanted to know me better. The funny thing about our relationship was that we never really dated, in the normal sense of the term. He was a fraternity pledgee for the fraternity house that I used to visit (mainly because most of my friends either lived or went there often). As such, we made plenty of excuses to be there at the same time. We mainly talked and laughed, as he was one of the few people that could make me laugh and we always had fun no matter where we were. I still remember attending an annual varsity dinner with him and how he made me laugh so much, we kept getting evil glares from the other attendees.
It took me a long time to finally open up to him and when I was finally ready to make a commitment, I received a phonecall from my father saying that he could no longer support my sister and I overseas and that I had to move back home. It came at the worst possible time and I was torn. Do I somehow find a way to remain in the country just to be with Daniel or do I just leave everything behind and move back. After much thinking, I finally called Danny to tell him that I was leaving the country in under a month. I didnt expect the disappointment and sadness I heard in his voice. It made me love him even more. Unfortunately, it wasnt enough that we just wanted to be with each other, there were other things involved - visas, money etc. I decided that it would be the sensible thing to move back home.
I missed him so much when I returned but having never told my parents or anyone about him, there was noone I could really talk to. I resisted calling him for a long time in an effort to get over him quicker, but he constantly wrote me letters (the internet and emails were still unheard of back then) and I wrote back. Being in contact with him made life a bit more bearable and I constantly looked forward to receiving letters from him. Each time he wrote however, he asked if there was any way I could move back to be closer to him, but I knew that as long as i was not working or earning my own money, it was impossible. I kept postponing and making excuses as to why I couldn't come. Soon the letters began to dwindle. Where I would usually receive a letter every second day, I started only receiving them once a week and finally, once a month. I could feel him slipping away but there was nothing I could do about it. We went through this for about 2 years. In that entire time, I never saw anyone else. If I ever met anyone I would eventually compare them to him and they would always lose. About six months later, I received a letter from Daniel saying he had met someone else and that although he still cared for me, he could not proceed with a long distance relationship for much longer. He had found someone else and it was over between us.
Again, my heart was broken but suprisingly I bounced back soon after. I think it was because Daniel had always been honest with me and because he had tried so hard to make things work. I loved him enough as a person to wish him happiness even if it meant being alone without him. We broke up amicably and he became one of my best friends. Later we would pick up where we left off and for about 8-10 years we maintained an 'on again/off again' relationship but things never really worked out because we were so far apart. We eventually drifted apart and although we still maintain the friendship, we will never be together as a couple again.
No comments:
Post a Comment