It would be several years before I dated again, not because of the "on & off again" relationship with Daniel, but because the next few years were crucial in my professional development. I settled down in a role I really enjoyed and was constantly too busy to meet new people. Later however, I returned to university to further my training. It was around this time, a great six years later, that I met Jiro.
Despite being five years younger, Jiro and I shared almost everything in common. We were both Asian, our hobbies were varied from video games to horror movies and nightclubbing, and he was so easy to talk to. Amongst all else, he was a gentleman, always polite enough to hold the door open for me, give up his seat etc. Being quite the tomboy, most of my friends were male and I was used to being treated like just one of 'the boys'. Being treated like a lady for a change was quite new to me and rather enjoyable.
The one thing I couldn't quite understand however, was that every Saturday night, Jiro would disappear and be completely unavailable. I suspected a girlfriend but he was adamant it was not the case. I had no reason to mistrust him, since he had been nothing but good to me and we spent just about every day together. After about a year, many of our friends started commenting on how we already looked like a couple, but I was a little nervous about taking it further since we were already such good friends. But in essence we were already behaving like a couple and Jiro wasn't one to talk about his feelings, so I decided to just take things slow and see where our relationship would lead us.
As time passed, I began to feel a little impatient and decided to confront him. I decided that it was time we became more honest with our feelings. We were both shy individuals so finding the right moment was difficult, but I was determined to get an answer. Finally, it took about seven beers during Oktoberfest for me to work up the courage to ask. However, he was unable to attend Oktoberfest so I sent it as a text message instead. On hindsight, this was probably the most ridiculous way of confronting someone but of course I didn't realise this at the time.
"Hey I really, really like you and think we could be good together. Do you have feelings for me? Or do you have someone else? Can we get together and talk about this later. Miss you heaps"
About a day after, I still hadn't received a response, and that was when I started feeling really stupid. Honestly, what was I thinking, texting him my feelings like that after all those beers. Suddenly, out of the blue, I received a text from him "Yes, I am in a relationship with someone else. Will tell you more about it later". I was shocked. Especially at the fact that he was able to hide a relationship from me when the only day we had apart was Saturday. Something didn't sit right and I wasn't convinced. Something else was going on and I knew, it couldn't be good.
We met at my place straight after work and Jiro looked extremely uncomfortable and nervous. I suddenly felt bad for putting him in this position after being such close friends for so long. After some smalltalk, came Jiro's big confession. Apparently, despite having 'feelings' for me, he had always been, and always will be...gay. I felt about as small as a pea. How embarassing? I had just fallen in love with a gay man. He had of course never told anyone but me about it, nor did he ever openly behave gay, but somehow, I felt I should have known. Furthermore, he had seeing someone for about six years and for some strange reason, they could only meet on Saturdays.
The next few months were extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant, especially since I had promised Jiro that I wouldn't tell anyone about what he had just confessed. I decided then, that spending less time with him would make things easier for both of us. To this day, we remain good friends, and he is still happily in the same relationship, but we've never been close again.
Looking back now over the years, it is true that I have been extremely unlucky in love but then again, who hasn't. Most of us have had different experiences but ultimately felt the same disappointments and heartaches. Its not about being defeated however. I certainly don't look back and cry about how things turned out. Neither do I stomp my feet and wail about how all men are jerks. I have become the person I am now because of these experiences. I've learned from them and become stronger. Sure, I haven't met Mr Right yet, but while that used to be a priority when I was younger, it isn't anymore. These days, I find much more satisfaction in hanging out with friends, travelling and working. Perhaps one day I'll meet my knight in shining armour, but for now, I'm happy to shelf that away along with skydiving and touring Europe.
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